Hush

HUSH...

(1) part of a traditonal lullaby which promises rewards for silence of a crying child

(2) an apology in Jamaican parlance

Issues that once thrived valiantly on the airwaves, print media and tongues of many now struggle to remain within our realm of consciousness for too long. And I realise that silence is the tool used by the powers that be or concerned parties to dismiss the furor and allow it to die a quiet death.

Like the dunce question...where did that go to? Personally, I found it was appalling that the education of young minds would be tampered with in such a blatant manner and especially since several months have passed since the exam was actually written. I didn't blog about it because the issue was being dealt with by everyone from Anesia to Chris and the ones in between...
The resolution of this issue was relegated to a statement by the Ministry of Education that they don't deal with those problems on a public level but rather leave it to be addressed internally...HUSH.

What about the business that is not a bar and will only sell alcoholic drinks after 6 pm in the school district area? It has not failed to amaze me that the authorities have no problem granting necessary permission to run a business that is not a bar and will only sell alcoholic drinks after 6 pm in that area but yet seem paralysed to make into a school zone...demanding the turning down of music on mini vans, driving with some measure of awareness as to lives that are at stake there, prohibition of the alarming horns and the placement of patrol officers in the area during peak hours... to ensure that another child is not dragged for several meters again... What care and concern we have for our nation's future.

The whole talk about not selling alcohol before 6 pm was and shall remain a figment of imagination in the minds of any right thinking person. Can you imagine a conductor swinging off a bus in a casual yet flamboyant manner, running into the business place with his sneakers that match his cap which match the shades, shirt etc, and demanding two guiness for himself and the driver...and the owner saying...nah man is only 4:45 p.m.....BS if I ever heard it. HUSH

Constitutional Reform ...frozen in liquid nitrogen on 25/11/09 ) H
Argyle International Airport ) U
Breaking in ULP headquarters ) S
The Canadian attorney that was allegedly ravished by the PM ) H

So much more than I can recount....but it is all in passing...all a deja vu experience...1999-2000 all over...where the Opposition was plied with the pleas of the people...calling, crying yearning for change...how much we needed it...wanted it...were willing to do anything to get it...and get it we did....till we created a monstrosity called the present government.

And we are doing it again...failing to learn from our ways...we have not done anything to uplift ourselves and persistently seek the engines of others to propel us on. We are glorifying the underdogs...the unproven...giving to them our unrequited love and adoration.

Unaware of the fact that democracy is not only the ability to remove and the ability to put in place but the power the demand the standards at which our leaders should function at, the power to demand that we be led not danced down a stony path to socialism (which ever version that Ralphie adhers to, since it is not the ones in Cuba and Venezuela).

So we spew out our troubles as they cross our path and we chant along with the sorrows of others until we get the newest mourning call...HUSH

And we move on leaving in our shadows real persons with real problems with no solution...HUSH

But we have done our bit...hyped up in the heat of the battle, pursued in the moment in time...for our own cause...and then we fall silent. HUSH.

We blame it all on the present and lean on the promises of the desirous...HUSH

Hush little baby don't say a word...Poppa's gonna buy you a mockingbird

Well-informed?

The calamity called the socio-political climate in SVG has again continued to thrive in the most outrageous manner.

I will never try to attempt in my blog to claim to have the whole story and despite my attempts at passionate opines on matters of Vincy life...I must question whether I can be ever truly informed on the issue...or can any one for that matter on any issue.

Our lives are constantly merged with present-day illustrations, futuristic implications and historical resurgences...we cannot separate any of them so as to claim independent original thought. It would seem to me that what we experience is the framing of an idea, concept or incident in a way that captures the minds of others...grabs their attention and seats itself in the corridors of their minds for future reference.

This whole drift about socialism - potential, impossible, subtle, blatant....the list can go on.

The Vincentian editorial this week said that all the debate is causing unnecessary fear in the nation...because we would never relinquish our democratic freedom. But rhetorically we were asked in the same editorial...what really is socialism? Is it the implementation of programmes to better the society and people...you read the article, you should get the idea they were going for.

It was brilliantly coined...can we ever define it? Even those who want to list their names proudly in the ranks of ALBA...is it fully grasped..can it ever be? My understanding is that socialism holds to many theories - one being the unfairness of capitalism and the exploitation of the majority by a minority, therefore it seeks to institute a system of governance that would ensure 'equality' among the people.

Which is flawed in its own estimation...because there will always be hierarchies...rank and file...superior and inferior...well-done and rare...the leaders and the followers.

If one were to ensure that no aspect of socialism existed...we might as well go back to the monarchy and create our own royal dynasties...I have my title already picked out...Empress something.

It is not that I am disregarding the import of the issue...Dr. Jules Ferdinand gave his no to socialism last week...and people may have seen it as blowing the issue out of the water. But there is merit to addressing the point.

In reality even though we know...well I KNOW I can never support the concepts of socialism and would fight valiantly against any attempts to implement such in my nation...should we not reasonably be concerned that our own PM has signed on to a document that clings to such ideals...that the nation playing a key role in the existence of ALBA, Venezuela, has a significant record of human rights violations and a practice of nationalising at their own seeming whim and fancy. What impact is this going to play in the mind of Dr. Gonsalves? Even if he is not going to be successful in instituting it...he may not even intend to - But are we not justified in asking a question as to the impact of such a clause in documents we have signed onto?

I once read that no political theory has ever been perfected - we have never given them the chance...capitalism has ruined pure democracy, ironically so because that freedom of choice is the fuel behind that economic system...socialism and communism were battered equally by capitalism, monarchism and hubris within themselves.

And the reality is that we have a people that are dependent on the 'socialist' elements within our society for mere existence...which is why the welfare department is jam packed on a monthly basis...and NIS is a saving grace for others. Yes, these are socialist elements....programmes instituted by the government to ensure the betterment of society. The same way Barbados has been funding the education of their students all the way to University for decades and Trinidad and Tobago introduced the GATE project several years ago to provide education up to your Masters...government did that...not a private entity.

I have never had reason to go into any of the learning resource centres around the country...but if there was a private company doing that...we would have to pay an entry fee...a user fee and there may be an exit price.

I don't get...they call us third world countries because of underdevelopment (ignoring their ravishing of our limited resources and the oppression and stranding of an entire people)...but by God's grace look at what the first and second world countries have fucked up...USA has fostered a culture that finds it acceptable to live above their means because one credit card or four will tide you through...Obama got heat because he wanted a piece of legislation that would ensure the provision of health care for most Americans...his visionary way of maintaining America's economic dominance in the world...and he was called socialist for it...because he was taking business from the private sector...if that was not an excellent example of the callousness of capitalism...I don't know what would be.

Look people...all around us are examples of what has worked and what has not...learn from it. Not just government...but we ourselves. Like the same lessons we have failed to learn from America's obesity problems..spinning into diabetes, kidney and heart failure and people who frankly cannot fit into one seat in a plane...that is why Pizza Hut, Subway, Church's are coming our way...we have not learned.

Random idleness

For the last few days the most utter shit has been running through my head and there is this incessant urge to blog about the arbitrary thoughts that are sprinting a lap in my brain...sometimes overwhelming rational thought:

Here's a list of what I can recall:

1. My period is due....and I am craving chocolate and sex.

2. Men are all whores...some are just controlled whores.

3. Posting my resume online because I want a new job.

4. I broke down in the bathroom of my office today and sobbed uncontrollably because my boss decided to act like a jackass...oh and I was PMSing. Obviously related to (3).

5.What has happened when your laptop screen goes white?

6. In all fairness to (2)...All women are sex freaks...some have just not been released as yet and never will be.

7. I think my guy friends jokes are utterly hilarious...and I am over the fact that I am the only female laughing at them.

8. I miss my best friend in Trinidad so much.

9. How to become very financially comfortable quickly and honestly?

10. I am tired of explaining to people why I am childfree and single at age 27 and absolutely comfortable with it. I am now planning to get married and divorced so the topic of relationships will become taboo around me.

11. All these years Karib Cable was illegally tapping US cable....we now have Spanish shows and ads...joyous.

12. I heard a whisper that a friend is getting married to an completely useless excuse for a man...who has no job but walks around blinging...which is long code for drug dealer. And I am silently hoping that I go to his funeral first before I go to hers.

13. I want to organise a flash mob in SVG...to Bomani's song ..."This Island" around Independence this year.

14. I am due to get my BB in less than a month and I am afraid I would not be able to figure out all the apps.

15. Who are these people leaving Chinese comments on my blog? I haven't ordered the Rosetta Stone - Mandarin edition yet people
And the well runs dry.

Secure me

Well, about early last week, I heard a floating story about SVG being put up to the Security Council of the United Nations. At the time, my cynicism on governance kicked in and tried to compete with the nationalistic side of me. Was Labour doing this for another peg in the hole for elections or was some manipulative power putting us up to support their own cause? But then again, why not...why should we be excluded from such realms?

And then tonight the grand entrance of the matter from the level of talk radio to legitimate media...Eustace criticises the lack of publicity on the issue and these are the pointers that struck me with the release from Sir Louie:

* we have been encouraged to go up...
* and it has been years since a Caricom nation was elected onto the Council...
* and why not go up...even if it means jumping the line.

Let us start with the last one....that is asking for a beat down...a licking...if you want to jump the line, you should be bigger than the people in front for defensive purposes. Especially, if the other people standing there for a while and there is a senior citizens line...geeshh. I have given my mouthful to people who have attempted to jump in front of me in a line...I am never impressed. Unless, they ask kindly and plead their situation...like a lady who looked like she was about to release the contents of her womb (it was so big, it could not only be babies in there...maybe a car seat as well).

Columbia was supposedly the nation that got CARICOM's nod...what happen? we were not at that meeting? or maybe SVG did not get the memo. Or maybe it was one of those cocktail agreements made over snifters and cigars.

Either way, I want to know how we jumping in front of. But, really now I know why Ralphie takes up all the talk...if that is the best logic that the people can get from a knighted man who is our Minister of Foreign Affairs.

When last a CARICOM nation sat on the Council is frankly unimportant...after the Europeans raped our wombs and oppressed a entire people...military security in the Caribbean has been relegated imposing immigration laws and the invasion of drugs and guns...that's it.

Grenada had some action in the 1970's to 1980's and 'merica swarmed in to restore control and democracy by occupation by force. Trinidad had a coup with al Muslimeen in 1990 for all of six days...and the man behind it all still walking free today.

That is it people....oh yeah...Union Island wanted to join up with Grenada in the 1970's...that about wraps it up. Security in CARICOM and all the wealth of experience that comes with it. My view is what can we contribute...tangibly...or shall we be a mere nodding to the bidding of another?

Oh wait, the whispers say China wants us on board...remember Tawian is not recognised by the UN...so that means dumping them if China backs us. Plus, China is a permanent member and they probably want to secure their votes by encouraging us to get on board. Eh...so I guess they will take over the runway for Argyle...because the Taiwanese supposed to be giving us this.
You know what I want...better and more affordable technology...Asia is the hottest market for all things tech and people can't afford to buy shit in the country itself. Why these people only giving to charities and making new fruits and vegetables? No disrespect.

To round up...it sounds nice but a part of me thinks this falls into the look-what-we-did category...like the resource centre that has taken ages in a neighbouring community.

I want to feel secure here...in my own nation. I want to hear that police stations have a vehicle to come rescue me if I see a naked man running behind my house...and hear that the coast guard has boats to guard our shores...and hear that there is a safe house for battered women that does not have a publicised address...and hear that there is a registered sex offender's list in SVG...I want to walk the road and know that even if there is a man admiring my ass...I don't need to hear about what he wants to do to me in brokenly graphic English.

SECURE ME....

Speeches of truth - the path to civilisation

Knowledge comes but wisdom lingers - Tennyson
I am beginning to understand why Solomon asked God for wisdom and not riches or power, even though they followed soon after.

I was having a conversation with a group of persons sometime ago and we were struck down the middle on the issue of whether age brings wisdom. No one among us was above 50, so youth was a relatively recent experience shared by all. Yet some adamantly stated that youths should be seeking to groom themselves for leadership positions rather than attempting to assert what they considered a premature entry into the realms of authority. Of course, Anesia, Luke, and Michelle were the names that popped out silently.

Meanwhile, there were others, like me, who didn't automatically think that age brought maturity.

Some of the fuck-ups called policy decisions and social programmes that have been effected in this great nation of ours since 1979 Independence has not given much to the concept of nation building - and most of those were instituted by people seen to hold great wisdom.

But then, maybe we wrongfully assume that leaders should be imbued with wisdom upon the ascension to those the hallowed halls of governance and our bubble walls of support resonate with shock when we realise the truth - they are self-seeking, legacy searching individuals, whose contribution to the lifting of society is second to the preservation of their livelihood.

On the other side, there have been changes of significance, of benefit - true social edification - effected by mature men of wisdom.

However, I wonder if we will ever see youth leadership being fostered in its truest form, rather than looking for a mini-me...the placement of a younger face to an old cause. It seems that the youth leaders that we have today must satisfy the minds of the mature in order to be given a platform to speak on.

So then I ask is there independent thought? - when to have a voice that is heard, we must train our vocals to sing their notes. It is easy to have a voice, a perspective and a view that is of merit...but who will listen and how would they chose to listen. Our people have been groomed to listen only within a certain context - and to hear selectively.

The few times that independent voices have emerged from within our society - we gear ourselves to align them one way or the other.

Groups like the PMC baffle the norm...throw away the regulatory line drawing. I will say in my happily naive state, I take the PMC at face value...a group of individuals intent on enlightenment of the people on national issues in a civil forum. (no, they did not pay me). But like most Vincentians, I have never attended an event or discussion hosted by them...I can only commend efforts not execution.

I can't bash anyone for supporting any side...you know the whole prerogative idea. But where are the independent forums?...the open communities where people can reside in safely with the knowledge that they will be respected, encouraged and disagreed with in a humane manner?

Perhaps my plea comes more from within myself - I seek for wisdom...
I am under 30, female, career-oriented, passionate for free speech on socio-political issues and I associate with people regardless of political affiliations, yet I anonymously blog on my opines of life - presently content to remain shielded by a vaguely similar profile pic and ambiguous but truthful statements.

"wisdom is not finally tested by the schools, wisdom cannot be pass'd from one having it to another not having it. Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof." -Walt Whitman

Signs of the times

They say pictures are louder than words and SVG is a virtual coffee table book.

1. In the last couple months, there was a splash of yellow across the country as the underground promotion of the NDP raised its head. Signs popped out all over the place....and not your usual tacky political poster...no pictures, and embracing of colloquial dialect and of course the $1 million dollar question.

But then, some one decided to deface the huge billboard at the Sion Hill intersection, covering the words with white paint. And I thought to myself, somebody is going to be pissed about this and replace this poster...Lo and behold, the sign still up. Every time I see it, I think of the crazy person(s) that would have done this in the dead of the night, practically shitting their pants every time they hear a car coming near.

As I was driving by this week, I realised that it is better for the NDP to keep the defaced board up rather than bear the cost of re-doing it. It is a constant reminder to the public that a government supporter would have allegedly done this...a resounding cry to the road users to "Vote them out" better than any platform address, any galvanize sheet and even the continuation in the recent series of "Government Blunders"...Season 2.

2. Have you seen the bitchin signs on the road to Georgetown? As you approach the Byrea area, there are these gigantic "SLOW" signs painted on the road...I could not figure out what the hell I was slowing for but I did. Then I came upon it....

TRAFFIC
MERGING
FROM
LEFT

All in yellow...all on separate lines. I looked, peered and peeped...there was no merging traffic..just one dry gap to turn into some side road. I thought "Impossible, I must have missed it. When I was returning now, I come upon the signs in the opposite direction...Slow slow then BOOM

TRAFFIC
MERGING
FROM

LEFT

The sign was longer than my vehicle and I was driving a jeep. Then a friend told me that the dry gap leads to the PM's farm...yeah the one he planned to retire on after two terms. But I figure even though he talking about a third...he reckons that he will most likely lose and he will need the signs to direct him where to turn in, since he will have to get accustomed to driving himself again.

3. Well, Aunt Jobe's is getting there and they painting bright bright hues...lighting up the place, especially since the banner has started to rip and look worn. And guess who following behind, Greaves Supermarket. I see man on machine last week bluing and yellowing the entire building...some spots left back still but boi oh boi...I bet that paint job was not because it appeared on the maintenance calendar since they used the drabbest shade of grey for the building before. Or maybe they testing out the shades they going to use on the Buccament branch...yeah one special special for the resort. Anyway, Aunty better lower she prices if they want me to go in there for anything more than ice cream.

4. Me...getting an expensive phone...sigh. I get cussing from all over...what's your PIN? Pin...common pin, a button pop or something? Don't I feel like the greatest ass? Anyway, I can gladly say I did not give into the social pressure in deciding to buy a BB but the last one I had fell and it occasionally falls apart in mid-coversation. I am the only one who thinks it to be amusing. Dear God, please let it not fall.

Reclaiming?

I was tempted to title this post..."reclaiming the cunt", inspired by Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues but I know that regardless of my personal perception of the word, I may spark harsh outrage because of someone else's understanding and prevent the message from going out.

Female sexuality....I speak from the perspective of a Vincentian, West Indian, black/black carib, youth-who-grew-up-in-an-era-where-porn-is-the-normal-and-accepted-means-of-educating-oneself-about-that-carnal-pleasure. Not as a therapist, but as a friend that has spoken to my girlfriends and guy friends (never boyfriends) about sexual desires/experiences.

I speak as a woman...I do not dare to speak for women.

WARNING, THIS BLOG POST IS GRAPHIC,if you hadn't realised.

I am convinced more and more that our society and the culture has robbed us (all genders) of the ability to truly and freely embrace who we are as sexual beings. Women are expected to be coy and shy about their cravings for the touch of another (whether it be a caress at the small of your back or the tug of your hair from the man stroking into you doggystyle while you are bent over the couch, where your friends are expected to sit in a couple hours.)

We are to be silent on the numbers that we have racked up in bed partners (or maybe you didn't make it to bed with a few). Let us not forget the same sex yearnings....taboo, outlandish (oh my...were you abused as a child?)

And it is not to say that men are marching with placards displaying the names, times and places of sexual conquests...but no one can deny that the expression of heterosexual male sexuality is more acceptable...easier to digest...simpler for us to remove ourselves from the conversation if we are offended.

Bring on the opposite...let a woman in the company of her peers, smile with relished memories, and nod in the direction of a man, followed by the words..."He moans and likes me to spank his ass when he is cumming" and our political correctness may prevent us from screaming bloody tramp in her face...but it would be the subject of whispered did-you-knows for sometime to come.

This over protection of the expression of what we want has led to repressed women who have never experienced an orgasm, women who are unable to voice the desire to be ravished, women who think that the genitals are part of the domestic duty package and women who simply do not think that there is any pleasure to be had for them in sex.

It has also led to the hush hush on abuse...the fact that your little girl/boy has been touched in her/his special place is not enough for you to pursue justice...rather than protect their future outlook...too many people protect their present image of okayness.
Not to mention the abuse suffered by women...records would show that the areas on a woman's body that is often battered are the parts that represent attractiveness, and sexuality...their faces, breasts and vaginas. Even the verbal abuse between women target those areas, as well, "that ugly bitch", "and she has no ass" etc.

As I looked in horror at the dance thing that occurred in Victoria Park some weeks back and then tonight, SVG TV aired an interview with the principal of SVG Grammar School and he talked about the fact that young women need to respect their bodies...no mention of the young men gyrating in their own fashion or with a girl's legs wrapped around their waists...I forget...the expression of male sexuality, either by themselves or with a female partner is accepted...normal...boys will be boys.

It is not to say that I am against the use of dance to display all manner of emotions and experiences...sexual as well...I have seen at least one well choreographed piece where a sexual act was beautifully portrayed. The difference was the respect and awe with which the act was treated with...it was abrasive and gentle at different moments, reflective of a mature grasp of sexuality. Not the throw-my-ass-into- the-air-with-an-itty-bitty-skirt-on.

God knows I have 'backed it up' more than a few times in my life but never did I do it with the aim of disrespecting my body...neither did my partner ever think that. (I hope). The fact that young women were willing to do this to themselves speaks of a lack of awareness as to who they are as individuals.

Because one of the realities that I have arrived at...is that no matter our assertion as to who we are as women and what we are capable of achieving...there is still a social misconception that our bodies are to be used as flagons of visual lusts...mere vessels holding the ability to quench of male liberties. No matter what is said about women taking over..we are still to men and to ourselves...their pussies. The irony is that even though we have attained the position of sex toy, rarely are we told how to wind ourselves up, how to ensure that we are properly "played" with.

That is another reason why I hesitated at titling this "reclaiming" because I have to wonder if we ever had it at all...and if we ever will. I am not talking about individuals...I have met my share of women who are strong in their sexual desires, and have partners who love this. When will our society see us as equal partners in sexuality? Maybe then, we would see a fall in unwanted pregnancies and AIDS babies, rape, child abuse, and bitchy women who had to endure the humping of a sweaty man the night before.

Imagine, if girls were taught about their genitals from young, the knowledge and awareness increasing as the years pass...child molesters would think twice before reaching out to fondle. Imagine, the happy women who realised that they have a G-spot.

I long for the day that I am able to simply and breathlessly whisper into my man's ear "I want to be fucked...hard" without having to wonder if he would think me 'thirsty' (the colloquial word for a woman who is known to like sex or so I have been told).

Frankly, about two years ago I got over the female lib theories on sexuality...and developed my own. I have been seeking complete comfort (not perfection), which I will describe as the ability to just be me with a guy and let him be himself...no stress, impression, uncertainty or drama, along with all the other trivial and serious elements of attraction.

To be that will allow me to be totally free of inhibitions, because sex is one of the most vulnerable moments that we have in our human experience. My theory is that if I am totally free, then I am open to experiencing what the French call "la petite mort", ecstasy at its greatest peak, womanhood in full bloom.

My theory has remained simply that...a theory...an untested concept...not even a trial run. And the best part is that I am not bothered at all by it. I am presently and peacefully awaiting the day/night that I shall reclaim my cunt.

It will not be blogged about, I will say that much.