I get incensed at the thought that anyone would think of me as being so vulnerable, so defenseless, so unable to protect myself that they would see me as a target of their ulterior motives because I simply to not see myself as vulnerable or defenseless. Granted on the other hand I am not claiming to be a kung-fu expert or have some kind of secret Israeli defense training, although I have promised myself that I would get some kind of formal training sooner rather than later. But to think that someone would want to satisfy their desire for what is not theirs to claim through me, is enough to make me lose words in a discussion on the issue or plot ways to defend myself in a moment where I think that I may be targeted.
There are so many instances I can recall where I could have been violated, like several weeks ago when I parked far from Aunt Jobes' entry in Arnos Vale and as I returned a huge vehicle was parked adjacent to mine, effectively blocking my vehicle from the view of the remaining cars. The young men that were leaning against the car were sketchy (to use my sister's fave term) and stared at me in their swagger/pickup/idle looking manner, that I have unfortunately like many Vincentian women grown accustomed to. And my mind wandered into the chances of Aunt Jobes giving me a complimentary replacement of my goodies if I had to bust the bag in one of these punks' head. Or when I would walk home from university with an uncovered pen grasped at my side to plunge into the jugular vein of the bastard that attempted to grapple me from behind. I laugh at the memory of a close friend slapping away the hand of a guy who reached to grab her tiny waist as she strut past him in a club. Or insisting that I would run and murder the person who would grab my laptop with all my precious university notes and research.
And I wonder what would you do? I recently read of the incident where a student was attacked outside Frenches House while she was about to enter the GHS lecture. Ironic in that moment that she was attacked, the attacker was unaware of her potential, unaware of the celebration of women going on just steps away, still stuck in the belief that women are more vulnerable, weaker and therefore easier for him to approach to glean for himself a damn Blackberry.
I don't care what the Commissioner said, I was damn glad she beat his ass. She should have damaged that piece of shit so bad, he needed to be hospitalised, he needed to be scarred for the remainder of his life....every single time he passes by GHS he should shudder, he should watch his step every time he sees that striped tie and he should hold his breath. Even more, he should have a greater measure of respect of women on a whole.
And my thoughts wander further, as GHS celebrates its 100 years of existence and the women who have poured forth from her womb, have we really become aware of abilities, our true potential? Applause must be given to the lecture series collection, the level of discourse in this country should only be raised after this year (E.G. Lynch, Hot 97.1 Chris, and the Star FM parrots please note this).
But I observe there were no revolutionary or controversial topics, no issues that would arouse passionate debate, no one spoke about the tiny crack we have made in the glass ceiling in an extensive way, issues of sexuality, abuse prevention, the skillful way in which as women we are able to decimate a member of our gender with our tongues, the fact that our society has not made the necessary change to give equal opportunity to women who wish to pursue full professional careers and be attentive mothers, the continued insistence of women remaining silent at the abuse of their own bodies and that of their children, the fact that in about five years the average educated woman in SVG would not be able to find her intellectual equal in a mate, etc etc etc.
Maybe it was an attempt to ensure the completion of this year of lectures without offending anyone, stepping on any toes, and to guarantee a positive collection. Or maybe I am just being cynical and my usual 'instigatory' self.
And I have just read through this and realised it is one of my most random pieces of writing but I refuse to alter or change because I totally get but it is my mind and thought pattern and maybe someone else will.